Friday, December 26, 2008

Even babies know to give back!

My baby daughter is the cutest one ever!

Today, I was putting her down for a nap. After a while, I thought she was asleep, then kissed her on her head. Suddenly, she propped up and leaned towards me with her little mouth open. She was kissing me back! How sweet she is!

Tonight, the same thing happened again.

My little baby already knows to give back after getting things.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

女儿出生小记-写于女儿一岁生日之际

女儿出生于2007年11月15号。

女儿特别体谅妈妈,整个孕期我一天工作没落下,还和老公东跑西颠。 孕4个月时去了西雅图,爬了国家公园的雪山,去了奥可丝岛。接下来有去了尤他州,又是坐船,又是爬山,还有爬梯。接下来就是老公随老板搬迁,我也得在新城市找工作。我们也要在新城市找房买房。打包搬迁,近300个大大小小的纸箱。搬到新家便是拆那300箱,把家具物具各就各位。有一此我连续干了5-6小时,我竟然流开鼻血了。那时我已有6个多月身孕。要供房子,所以也不能闲置在家。上班上到女儿出生那天。我走路特快,从后面毫无怀孕迹象,搞的同事们经常问问还有多久才生。

预产期那天我到班上,同事就问候我Happy Due Date! 那天也是我的最后一次产前检查。下班后去医生那儿,她检查一番,告诉我还是和一周前一样,只开一指。不过我的羊水好像是破了一点。“我过一回就给医院打电话,你可以吃完晚饭后去医院了”。

回到家,告诉我妈(她老人家2周前从中国飞来照顾我)。老公和我妈都劝我多吃些。我记得我吃了两碗 的炖排骨另加两蒸包。然后就是在家消磨时间,我毫无任何疼痛或不适。老公执意我们赶在半夜之前到医院就行。 我特想尽早到医院,可不想羊水在家破了,一是弄脏了沙发(我有洁癖倾向),二是着急。终于晚上11点老公和我开车去医院了。我们都在医院附属的研究所上班,所以是真正的轻车熟路。3周前我们也预约了生产房间参观,所以去医院的行李准备的有的放矢。

 在生产中心登记完毕,就进了我的产房。老公也有一个沙发床!2分钟不到,两护士即到。我被捆上了胎儿监视器,连接到了电脑,她们可以在产房外监视我。过了一小时,来了个实习医生。她给我做了超声,确信胎儿头朝下。然后尊我医生的指示,给我上了软化宫颈口的药,其实视一段浸了药的棉线。她警告我会感到疼。这折腾完了,老公和我都感到饿了。然后每人吃了一个从家带来的蒸包。牙也没错刷,我就倒头睡照了。过了一段时间,我的确被那隐隐的痛给疼醒了。我这人天生能睡觉,侧个身便又睡过去了。这样痛醒反复着,中间还有护士来查vital signs,也熬到了早晨。大概7点的样子,新一拨医生护士来查床,见我还熟睡就走了。8点护士来了,我赶紧问能不能吃东西,她不能回答,要问医生才行。这时医生也来了,检查后告诉还是开一指,看来得打催产素了(破头森),早饭不能吃了。这个东西一上,那个痛可真不一样了。几分钟后,又换了一拨护士。这个护士很健谈,我们聊了很久(我当时的感觉)。我的痛也在加剧。她一二再,再二三的问我要不要挨批肚儿。我是早早下觉心不用任何止疼剂的,所以连连说不用不用。她愣是从个个角度问我,说不用怕改变主意。她还再一边私问老公,是不是他不要我用。这是老公过后告诉我的。是不是她和麻醉师是一家人啊?我没上过产课,因为搬家到这个城市安顿好时已经错过最佳时机。我们上辈几代人连听说过产科都没有,不是照样顺顺利利的生了我们几百万万中国人吗?这昂贵的特殊产科俺就免了,省银子,省时间。这份上,我就用经常听到的深呼吸来对付阵痛。

11点左右,快三个小时过去了,我忍着剧痛问护士能不能棒我检查看开了多少。一实习医生应邀检查了我,3指!妈呀,才三指,这痛也太难忍了。我就问这医生,这到开全还得多长时间啊?她告知,一般一小时开一指,我等开全10指的话,至少还要7~8 小时。妈妈呀,我可受不了了。我这时神志依然清晰,就问能不能上挨批。没问题!麻醉师马上就道。不到5分钟,一年轻女麻醉师就到了。看到坛子里好多姐妹都抱怨麻醉师半天都请不到,当时感到自己运气真好!我也已经在想像没有疼痛的感觉了。这里有几个表格要填一下,麻醉师告知!哎!我都疼到这份上了,还要我回答问题。让我老公帮忙回答不就成了吗!不行!病人要亲自回答!我当时真是很不耐烦,心里也在同情这麻醉师得不到很多象我这样的病人的尊重,谁叫他们在赚钱最多的一行之一呢?半小时过去了。我的生产/接产医生来了,他和我的妇科医生在统一诊所,大名大姓某某。我很有礼貌的问候了他,心知我的命运就在您手里了 。他老人家一检查,开了7指了,没有时间上挨批了。什么?我又悲又喜。我悲,我要挨比现在还要疼的3~4 个小时;我喜,我不用挨那跟棍子般粗的针头打在我的脊柱上。医生和护士大惊小怪的嚷,半小时开了4指,创纪录了。他老人家这样说归说,还是照旧巡逻照顾其他孕妇去了。我这里觉得简直挺不下去了。也不知哪来的那股困倦劲儿,我竟然能在那阵痛的短暂间隙睡着。护士和老公帮我集中精力盯着他们的手指深呼吸一缓解疼痛。就这样挨也挨!我估计医生借这当吃午饭去了。

也不知过了多久,我感到必须用力的感觉,告诉护士,但是她说在子宫颈未开全之前用力会造成颈口撕裂。然后就告诉我,把她的指头当成蜡烛,用力去吹。好比喻!几次也觉的有股热流涌出,我就跟护士说,我羊水破了。那只是我的感觉,我被告知羊水未出!好不容易医生来了,她一检查,10指全开!这时已经是上次检查两小时过后了。顿时我听到医生下命令叫工具车,护士也全副武装。护士拉我的一条腿,然后教老公那另一条。由护士拿的那边舒服多了。我就很不耐烦的纠正老公该怎么托我的腿。没经验就是没经验,他怎么都没找到姿势。 医生告诉我宫缩时就用力。说实话,宫缩时你不想用力都不行。这时我也记起我妈说过生孩子时就象大便的感觉。过来人,一点没错!用了一次力,医生护士就说已经看到头发了。再两下宝宝就出来了,2:19PM。我总共用力7分钟!

宝宝怎么没哭?这是我的第一反应。我是要哺乳的,所以护士把宝宝立即抱给了我。猜我第一眼看的是什么?宝宝是双眼皮!我如释负重!宝宝的头发怎么象非洲人那样是卷发呢?我当时竟忘记宝宝生活在液体中,头发打卷是自然现象!体重7磅5盎司,身长20.5英寸。我一同事在我生孩子前一直说,你的宝宝最多也就5磅。因为我就长了个肚子。我心里暗喜这7磅5盎司!

就这样我家宝宝加入了爸妈的生活。

我的产假只有6周。我妈警告我不要碰凉东西,要多睡觉。就6周我还是不规矩,所以我几乎什么月子大忌都犯了,天天洗澡刷牙,冰箱冰柜拿东西,出门,没喝任何鸡汤什么汤(喝了几次鱼汤)。。。。我老公觉的更是不可思议。月子过后,我的体重也恢复到了会孕前。记的月子最后一天时在老板家开爬梯,我穿着原来的裙子没问题,朋友们还特意问我这不是怀孕前的衣服吗?所以,我觉得传统的月子在现在的环境条件下是不太必需的了。

转眼间,女儿已经一岁了。我还在哺乳,每晚给她洗完澡后,她就掀我的衣服要吃奶。哎, 不知啥时才能给她断了奶。

回想起来,好多事情值得用笔纪录下来。打中文对我来说实在太慢了。这篇短文竟花了我三个晚上的时间(女儿睡后)。

上片片。。。

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Thoughts on Life and Work

Ordinary people work in order to make a living, no matter how much you might hate what your job is. Sometimes, you just don't have other choices. I am one of them, certainly.

I am a scientist. My job is to do numerous experiments to test hypotheses. Everyday, I wish my experiments work, wish them work out as what I planned. However, chances for those wishes coming true are so slim. By the end of day, frustration and sense of failure hover around your head. How can I make my dream come true? How can I make a step forward towards my career goal? Self-doubt is ensuing. Should I make career adjustment? Tons of questions take over my head.

The worst situation is your life partner is in the same boat. I often keep the frustration and mental battle to myself. If I have any sort of financial backup, for example, my partner can support the family on his own, I would refuel myself in classrooms and change the way I am living my life now. This will bring about a better life to myself and my family, make a virtuous cycle. However, the very single variable can not initiate this cycle. So my life can only run as it is now.

Of course, many people think it is perfectly fine to live the life as it is, or even over joyed with the current situation, for instance, my partner. To me, it is dangerous to be content with current state for you will lose the motivation to make progress in the life.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Butter and Cheese Question

The first day I went to Berlin, Germany, started my life in the Western countries. I watched a lot of Western movies before that point in my life, however, my feeling then was "things are rather different here than those in my mother country". 

Chinese do not have many dairy products on the market except milk and yogurt. Butter and cheese are things that are typical foreign products (yang2 huo4) in people's eyes. Naturally, ordinary people never tasted them in their lives, including me when I was in China. However, every one knows they are made of milk. 

With this knowledge in my mind, I went to Germany, the first Western country ever. I happened to be invited by the boss for a dinner just a few days after I arrived. At dinner table, I sincerely put forward a question: "What is the difference between butter and cheese?" People at the table answered me sincerely and thoroughly. Suddenly, I was so clear of their difference for the first time in my life. I gained knowledge! This was my only thinking at that moment.

Months passed after that dinner. I got acquainted with other Ph D students in the same department. Some thought I was cute! One day, a Canadian girl S could not help iterating my question of butter and cheese. By then, I finally realized how silly and cute I was when I was asking that question. On the other hand, I believe that people at the same dinner table rather amused quietly! 

This question was mentioned quite a few times afterwards by other guys. Thinking back, I guess people at the dinner table were rather polite and understanding. I cannot know if the same reaction will be given elsewhere else. 

BTW, dear readers, do you know the difference between butter and cheese?

Garage Sale

This is the first Summer I live in the American suburb. Throughout the whole summer, Garage Sale signs are all over the places. This is already the 3rd summer I am in the States. Garage Sale has not never been such prevalent around me. I lived in Chicago before I came here. It is next to a joke to have a garage sale there for not many people have a garage in the big city.

As I am a very curious person, I have been wanting to check some GSs out to satisfy my curiosity. My hubby kept telling me people were just getting rid of their junk at GS. Saying goes like "You must see to believe", right? And I am a firm believer of that. Last night, I told my hubby that I would like to go to GSs this Saturday in a tone without any room for discussion. 

Today, I indeed went to 2 GSs. Surprisingly, my hubby went along with me. Things were not to my imagination at all. People did not just get rid of their junk, but also wanted to make a fortune out of it, at least this is true for the 2 I went today. My hubby saw a thermometer for brewing. $10 was requested! My smart hubby had a beer brewing catalog in the car and so he knew the value of it and thus replied to the owner that it was not worthy that much, 5 bucks max! Also other stuff was over priced!!! I just wonder who would buy your junk at this price because my hubby also told me that people wanted to get things cheap. Sign... People are greedy and money driven. On the other hand, some are just cheapskate ("Tan Xiao Pian Yi"). This is exactly another side of greedy and money driven. 

All in all, I am not impressed by today's Garage Sale. However, it is fun to see all the stuff people collect. 

Perhaps, when my hubby has collected enough stuff in our house, I can hold a Garage Sale for once in my life. 

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

昨天的心情

推开窗看天白色的

想起你薄荷味的笑

你在操上奔跑

大声喊我

你知不知道

什么都不怕

看咖啡色夕阳又要落下

要一直一直好

这样不分开

都是好孩子

异想天开的孩子

相信可以永

都是好孩子

最最善良的孩子

怀念着害我

 

大声喊我

什么都不怕

看咖啡色夕阳又要落下

要一直一直好

这样不分开

都是好孩子

最最天真的孩子

灿烂的孤的啊

都是好孩子

最最可的孩子

在一起幸福落泪啊

Saturday, September 13, 2008

China Blue

China Blue is a documentary movie, shot in Shaxi city, Canton, China. The blue stands for Jeans. Yes, the jeans you and I wear daily. These jeans are made by CHEAP Chinese labors, blended with teenager girls' sweet and sleepless nights. In order to ensure a shipment on time, these young girls practically worked 20 hours straight for few weeks. 

I became very angry while I was watching the movie. The greedy Western merchandisers would threaten the garment factory owner by giving the oder to other factory in order to get the lowest prices. They could make 10 more folds of profit than the garment factory did. After the business negotiation, what the workers faced with was sleepless nights in the factory. They were overdrawing their body for the poor wages. The Westerners are extending their exploiting system far into China now. 

I often heard of that Western countries take advantage of Chinese cheap labor, but I never got this struck after watching this movie. I saw how those workers worked, suffered physically. The sad thing is these poor workers have no other choices, but be exploited, to make a little money to help their even poorer families in the far away villages. What a unfair world. If you are poor, you will be dominated by the rich as much as they want. 

I had to talk to my husband about this movie after I watched it. His reaction is everybody knows this, that is the exact reason why he does not shop at Walmart. Why cann't those companies go to Germany or Britain to get the labor? Because they have strong economy! China still has weak economy! As a Chinese myself, how much I wish my country becomes strong and get treated equally.

Still, I am proud of our rich culture and history, which can not be taken away by the Western, luckily! even though the Western culture is penetrating into China, unfortunately.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The true definition of Ambition

I read the below assay. It strikes me and echoes with my thoughts, too. Well written, Scott Adams!

I believe that ambition is something that drives you forward and makes progress at work, in personal life. I am a very practical person. I do believe that the whole world would be so much better, people would be so much better off if every one of us is dedicated to what s/he is doing and wanting to do something even more advanced, either to improve her/his personal life quality or to fulfill her/his inner satisfaction or even vein some times. 

This is also a sensitive issue between my husband and me. Why is it sensitive? He is not ambitious to my standard, therefore, I am not satisfied. As a result, there is a big gap between my vision and the reality.  

Now read on...

By Scott Adams.

The ambition defect

I once worked with a guy who referred to his older brother as the "white sheep of the family." The older brother was a CEO of a Fortune 500 company while his siblings had no ambitions that extended beyond lunch. That sort of thing makes me wonder about the whole nature versus nurture question. I assume all the kids in this fellow's family had a similar upbringing, but only one had ambition.

When I was a kid, adults often told me I would be rich and famous some day. Apparently I was giving off some sort of ambition vibe early on. I think ambition is a genetic defect. You can't have ambition unless you think there is something wrong with the way you are. Ambition is a state of feeling perpetually flawed. 



By most objective standards, my career has gone well. By my internal standards, I am in a continuous state of not doing enough. A couple of years before he passed, Charles Schulz called me at home to see if I would be interested in a charitable activity he was passionate about. We chatted for awhile, and I don't remember how it came up, but he mentioned that Peanuts greeting cards had just passed the billion cards sold mark. 



Pause to digest.



A billion greeting cards. I wonder if any other artist has ever sold a billion of anything. Unfortunately for me, that instantly became my new yardstick. So if you will excuse me now, I have a lot of work to do because apparently there is something wrong with me.

 

Getting my driver's license

Today will be my third time to take a road test in East Rochester. 

I underestimated the strictness of this test last year when I was taking it for the first time in my so far life. I did not practice for months after we moved to here. My reason is I was 7 months pregnant. However, this city has useless public transportation, in my eyes, I felt the need to be able to drive a car around. Plus, after the baby came, I did not know when I would be able to take the test. Plus again, perhaps I had good luck, I would drive perfectly out of potential talents, blabla.... (Anyone believes this?) So let's make a road test appointment. It was scheduled on Oct. 26, 2 weeks before my due day. Fortunately, I was still very mobile and agile. The only practice I had before the test was driving home from work the day before the test. I ran into the curb when I was backing up in the parking lot. Great! Anyways, I went to the test area without any feeling of fear or nerve wrecking. I even chatted a bit with the examiner before the test. Driving started, and I failed soon after. I did not wait for the car passing at the stop sign, this is called "near accident"! I lost my mental power from that point on. A bit Flunk! Just as my husband predicted! 

I lost my interest in taking another test for a while. My baby daughter came into this world. I even felt more reluctant to risk her life with me driving the car! So nothing to do with driving for more than half a year. Reality is crucial! I had to get my license sooner or later. 

I started driving between the parking lot at work and the nannies. I felt confident with my driving except parallel parking, which I never practiced. People kept telling me that you still could pass if you failed the parallel parking. OK, I have your words, I can take a test now. I was scheduling a test, which would be on Aug. 8th, 2008. What an auspicious day! It meant for me to pass. I asked my hubby if this date was ok for him to take me to the test area. He insisted on that I needed more practice, perhaps a commercial driving lesson. That would cost me 90 bucks. We don't have that extra money to give away. I would rather use that money to buy something I wanted for long. No lesson needed! In the end, I did not take that appointment after the fight with him. Days passed, I did not practice that much, either. With the 5-hour prelicensing course expiring soon, I had to make another appointment for road test. So it is scheduled on Aug 21st. Later, I realized it was also the exact time my daughter would got her 9 month checkup. I made a bad appointment. I called the peds, no other time available. What a bumper! Test has to be on! Peds visit eventually worked out.  

Time came for my 2nd road test. We were on a mini vacation. So no worries about conflicting with work. We had leisure lunch before heading to the road test. The street leading to the test area we googled was under construction, so we had to follow the detour sign. A car in front of me turned to the left and I decided to follow her/him. Unfortunately, the car made a wrong turn and now we were in the woods. I had to back up. At one point, I stepped on the gas when I wanted to brake. So you can image how that worked. As a result, I got nervous and my hubby got angry with me. We then argued. Argument is common between us. I was very upset at that point since I was going to take the test. I was literally mad at him. My heart beat was faster than when I get really nervous. My test went poorly in the end. I got too intimate from the mistake I made on the way to the test.  The examiner placidly told me that I could make another appointment right away. My tears were out! I had very high expectation from this test and thought I would pass no problem. I did not talk to my husband a word on the way home. 

After I got home, I indeed made another test immediately. That is today.

I focused a lot on this 3rd test. I listened to my husband to take a driving lesson, which cost me 90 bucks and a really early rise on Saturday morning. I drove so confidently even on highway for the first time, which was light and light. I did good with parallel parking and turning. The following Monday, our dear friend P took me to the testing area to practice, focusing on parallel parking. The instructor from the driving school taught me a different strategy than P was teaching me. So I got a bit frustrated with the different instructions. Wednesday noon, we were out again at lunch time. P taught me some tips on braking, which worked like a charm. I practiced on parking over and over again. I actually did well with parallel parking. 

(The following part was written after I came back from the test.)

Time to go to the test. To be fully prepared this time, I suggested to practice a bit before heading on the road. I still did well with parallel parking. OK, set for the test.

I drove to the test area. It was a good drive with P beside me. I was nervous, having fast heartbeat. There were two examiners, a woman and a man. According to the order in the waiting line, I would get the woman examiner, which was what I hoped. The cars were back from the test. We were anticipating whom I would get. The male examiner! Sign... That is it! I confessed to him that I was nervous. He was kind enough to ask me if I had any questions. OK, take off! I was in the driving state. The parallel parking was not the best one I can make, but it was OK. I failed to watch for the car approaching me in time when I was backing up to park. The examiner kindly stopped me. I believe that is the only thing I did wrong. Back to the start point. He said to me "You passed." That is what I have been waiting for all these three times. Finally, I got it! I am so excited! 

I got my driver's license, too, like everybody around me! 

Saturday, September 6, 2008

My baby Audrey went to the Daycare.

After a year on the daycare waiting list, Audrey finally got in as of Sept 2, 2008, when she was 9.5 months old. She joined the room 2. The first day she was more curious than upset, so we did not have much trouble to leave her there, but she cried a lot, refused to take bottles, did not know how to put herself to sleep in the crib. She was so tired when I went to the daycare at lunch time. She dozed off while I was breast feeding her, and woke up the moment I stood up to put her in the crib. In the afternoon, when I went there to pick her up, she was sitting in the crib facing towards the sun, struggling to keep her eyes open and crying intermittently.  As her Mom, I saw a little poor baby abandoned by the staff there. What was she thinking there at that time? I just hope she would not think she was ignored. 

The whole week, she did not nap much at all. She immediately cried every time she saw me coming into the room at the daycare. She becomes clingy to me. 

The worst thing, and the least thing I wanted is she is ill now. Last night she felt HOT when I went up to calm her after she woke up in the evening. My instinct told me that she was ill. Today, she was crying constantly, even in the sleep. I guessed she might have a sore throat. I feel so helpless, I do not know what I can make her feel better. Finally, I gave her some Tylonl. Before long, my energetic baby came back. She was all over the place again. At that moment, I felt so happy for her, out of my deep heart. I never realized that a Mother can actually feel this way before I became one. 

Baby Audrey is a strong girl. I believe that she will get over with the fever and other discomfort soon.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

All about babies

One Sunday afternoon this summer, I was strolling my baby daughter in the neighborhood. (BTW, what else do you think I can do in the neighborhood on a Sunday afternoon?) Suddenly, one lady stopped in front of us. She said "we me at the block party last year, when we both were big". Yeah, I knew who she was in no time. I still remembered that she just went to her OB/Gyn before the block party and saying her baby would not be born for another week....I am good at memorizing what people say in many circumstances. Perhaps, I am curious of people around me. The good thing is  she remembered me, too. Then we naturally talked about each other's baby. I learned that her baby, Attikus, is only three weeks older than my Audrey. Cool, perfect playmates for each other. Her name is Alice, like the book Alice's adventures in the wonderland. My Chinese brain immediately translated this into "爱丽丝梦游仙境"。 Thus, I remembered her name no problem. I doubted if she could remember mine, though. She emphasized that I should stop by at them. No problem. I like making friend, especially, this Mom with a baby of Audrey's age. Who knows, perhaps, we can become baby-sitters for each couple's date nights.

Summer is passing by. I barely had free time to go out with Audrey often. Yesterday, I decided to go out with Audrey. The reason is another story, which will be written soon in "Husband and Wife". I went to straight to Alice's house blocks away. She came out upon the doorbell I rang. My Audrey was sitting in her stroller on the driveway. Alice looked a bit surprised at my uninvited visit. "Attikus is napping, unfortunately" was what she said from the ajar door after I said we were walking past by and would like to meet your son. Noooo, I was not welcome. However, she started talking to Audrey after she saw her away on the driveway. We chatted a bit while she was sitting on the ground. She decided to check if Attikus was awake after a while. Now I realized that my worry was unnecessary at all. Yes, he was awake, and we were invited in. Audrey had a great time playing their toys. They have tons more toys than we have for Audrey at home. Audrey is a strong girl, I can tell. We stayed longer than we should have. Audrey did not want to go! "Stop by whenever you want" is what I said to them.

This evening, while I was cooking, our doorbell rang. It is Alice! She was paying us a visit back. Plus, she brought along a tower toy for Audrey that she bought from one garage sale. Audrey loved it when we were visiting them. How thoughtful she is! I decide that she is a good person. Let's see if we can become each other's baby sitter in the future.

It is always good to make friends. 

I started my personal blog today.

Nowadays, Blog is in fashion. The prototype of blogs should be the diary, I guess, however, I never did any research on how the blog was born. Anyhow, I have mine now, as of Aug 31, 2008. 

Here, I will try to write down my past and present, my family and friends, my thoughts and feelings, my achievement and frustration, my steps around the world, and of course my career path down the road.